I read a funny letter my friend wrote about motherhood and had to edit it to fit my present feelings about the startup life - couldn't resist!!
I hate my life. I hate my husband, I hate my house, I hate my car, I hate my husband's late night vision that led us down this road of ditching a great job for the seductive lure of an Internet startup company.
I hate my unstable financial status, the broken knob on my front door and the fact that my office doubles as the kitchen table. I hate the pile of useless pieces of paper piled up on the side of my couch. I hate the piles of bills that are stacking up on my desk.
I hate that we haven't been on a real vacation in 2 years, and I hate that stupid theory that budgeting makes one feel better. I hate ABC. I hate all the networks for that matter. I hate Fox the most, and I hate listening to all the depressing news about the recession. I hate NYC cabdrivers who keep complaining that they can't pay their rent.
I hate that there are no more manicures, facials and frivolous spending. I hate that I never have any extra money. I hate that it costs 100+ bucks just for a simple family outing to a cheap restaurant or a movie. I hate that the babysitter upped her fee to 20 bucks per hour due to the recession.
I hate the VC company that signed an LOI and gave us false hope only to fail to invest on the promised date. I hate potential investors who string us along promising lots of cash only to fail to "Show Me The Money". I hate that hubby keeps believing these investors over and over again. I hate that we fight all the time about investors. I hate that we fight all the time about this startup company. I hate this Internet startup world. I hate that I have lost the ability to celebrate every positive step forward.
Most of all, I hate myself for even thinking all of these things. I hate that even for a second I can be so selfish and self-absorbed and self-important that I don't appreciate having a husband who loves me, three smart, funny and healthy kids, friends who care about me, a loyal dog, renting a fine home, driving a decent car, enjoying good health, having nice clean clothes to wear and food on the table, living where there are trees and fresh air and beautiful beaches, and having the freedom to bitch about God, the President, or whomever.
The circle is complete.
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