The Sweet Spot

I Give Up!

  Officially I can say this internet startup world has won.....I just don't have the backbone to stay in and keep fighting the fight! 

I Hate This Internet Startup!

 I read a funny letter my friend wrote about motherhood and had to edit it to fit my present feelings about the startup life - couldn't resist!!

I hate my life. I hate my husband, I hate my house, I hate my car, I hate my husband's late night vision that led us down this road of ditching a great job for the seductive lure of an Internet startup company.

I hate my unstable financial status, the broken knob on my front door and the fact that my office  doubles as the kitchen table. I hate the pile of useless pieces of paper piled up on the side of my couch. I hate the piles of bills that are stacking up on my desk.

I hate that we haven't been on a real vacation in 2 years, and I hate that stupid theory that budgeting makes one feel better. I hate ABC. I hate all the networks for that matter. I hate Fox the most, and I hate listening to all the depressing news about the recession.  I hate NYC cabdrivers who keep complaining that they can't pay their rent.

I hate that there are no more manicures, facials and frivolous spending. I hate that I never have any extra money. I hate that it costs 100+ bucks just for a simple family outing to a cheap restaurant or a movie. I hate that the babysitter upped her fee to 20 bucks per hour due to the recession.

I hate the VC company that signed an LOI and gave us false hope only to fail to invest on the promised date.  I hate potential investors who string us along promising lots of cash only to fail to "Show Me The Money".  I hate that hubby keeps believing these investors over and over again.  I hate that we fight all the time about investors.  I hate that we fight all the time about this startup company.  I hate this Internet startup world.  I hate that I have lost the ability to celebrate every positive step forward.

Most of all, I hate myself for even thinking all of these things. I hate that even for a second I can be so selfish and self-absorbed and self-important that I don't appreciate having a husband who loves me, three smart, funny and healthy kids, friends who care about me, a loyal dog, renting a fine home, driving a decent car, enjoying good health, having nice clean clothes to wear and food on the table, living where there are trees and fresh air and beautiful beaches, and having the freedom to bitch about God, the President, or whomever.

The circle is complete.

Vote!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell!

 

There is one ultimatum you never want to give your spouse if he is the founder of a startup company......and that is "Choose me or this company".  The qualities that make him an excellent CEO/founder are not conducive to making him a great spouse.  And if your marriage is sacred to you, avoid putting him in the position of choosing  - Just don't go there! 

Make sure before you journey down this path that you have the strength to take second place to the company and realize the startup is his mistress - it gets his undivided attention, generates fierce loyalty, excites him and becomes his number one concern. 

How Low Can You Go!

  "From a certain point onward there is no longer any turning back.  That is the point that must be reached". Kafka

There is no turning back in a startup company - there is never a moment when you don't feel like "you're this close to making it" and therefor the rough times must be endured, no matter how tough they are.  

Seriously, half your time is spent wondering if you've done the right thing and if you should just throw in the towel and walk away from the dream, but the lure of success is just too close and tangible to give up.  If you're married to a man whose entire being is wrapped up in this vision, don't ever expect him to give it up - no matter how bleak your life becomes, how much struggling your forced to endure.

How low can you go is the question you should ask yourself before embarking on this dream.  And are you willing to sacrifice EVERYTHING to get there.......

Venture Capitalists - Friend or Enemy?

  Sometimes I like back-up...and just in case some are thinking that I am anti-venture capitalist...here are some tags others have put on our vc frenemies...

useless, lazy, unqualified for even a sales job, dweeb, slacker......hmmmmmm

Well, I'm just saying...in my experience, venture capitalists are not nice people - they live "outside" the moral and values box of society.  Scary!

Read this glowing story of David Hirsch, ex-google employee turned venture capitalist. 

A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs a Bicycle!

  Expect the unexpected!

It's so typical that the worst recession in my lifetime would hit during the time after the LOI has been signed, but before funding has happened.  Life as a startup would simply be to easy if there were no bumps (maybe mountains would be more appropriate) along the way. 

Seriously....a recession???  I can't believe the drama!  8 weeks away from funding.  Major Banks and Investment Firms are crumbling.  What are the odds that this deal is going to go down as planned......UGHHHH!!

Faith, Hope & Pixiedust

 I watched Peter Pan and couldn't shake the words of tinker bell from my brain - those 3 words....faith, hope & pixie-dust.....that should be the motto of startup companies.  You have to throw all caution to the wind and have faith that it's all going to work out, trust what people are telling you (this part gets harder and harder as people rarely tell the honest truth in this business), and if only there were such a thing as pixie-dust that could perform miracles!!!  I've learned to relax and pray, A LOT!!!  This business mixes reality and fantasy more than most businesses and if you're going to survive the journey you need to give in to the fantasy.

Let's Get This Party Started!

OK - this is totally frustrating!!! 

We are a startup company, we have been living on a shoestring budget (both personally and professionally), we finally get the development of the site complete and get a LOI for a major infusion of money within the next 3 months.....but in the interim....we are struggling - trying to figure out how to make it through those 3 months (praying the LOI becomes a reality) and keeping the excitement under wraps. 

It's another example of enjoying the moment - way too much time spent looking into the future and/or into the past and missing the present moment.  We are in a bit of a time-warp right now.  Worrying, wanting, praying, hoping and working 24/7. 

This business sucks the life out of you!!

The Masked Matriarch

 There is an awkward moment when someone asks: "What's your career"?  My answer "I write for an internet startup company" sounds like I'm being aloof, which is never my intention, but if I answered honestly I'd scare off so many people.  Saying that I am a writer sounds responsible and it's a short, concise answer.  The reality is that I am a gopher-girl for Dr.Z.  If he needs his work edited, I'm the girl - ordering office supplies, answering phones, paying bills, organizing the endless piles of papers, organizing emails/contacts/business cards, preparing documents, etc. all fall squarely upon my shoulders. If anyone had showed me a glimpse of what this company would require of me (I was rather naive to think that this vision was his and I was just along for the ride), there is very little chance I would have supported the mission!  Startups can provide money for the essentials....the wife of the founder does not fall under that category.  All work I do I consider my "not-for-profit" contribution because if this company fails, our current life direction fails.  The fantasy about internet companies being bought for obscenely large amounts of money used to provide us with the fuel we needed to continue with this vision, now our hard work and "sweat equity" fuel us.....surely one day they'll be rewarded - right?